Whenever I order a pretzel from Auntie Annes, I feel like I’m trapped in a Judd Apatow movie and all the supporting actors are legitimately retarded.
Al Gore, Sex Warrior
Al Gore brings his A game: She refused, and he growled some more. When that didn’t work, he started pleading with her pathetically “for release of his second chakra there. ‘There’s so much tension being held…’” Still, she refused. Then told him it was time to go. But while she was packing up he grabbed her in “an inescapable embrace” and...
TOP 5 THINGS I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED USING VACATION TIME: 1.) Drunk vs Stoned 2.) New Bed Time = 6AM 3.) NEW RULE - No Clothes Till Noon 4.) Took A Break From P90X For Bong Rips 5.) Stopped An Oil Leak With My Dick
My dad has been a diehard hockey fan for as long as I can remember. Not even a Sabres fan… just a fan of the entire sport. It doesn’t matter what team is playing. He’ll watch it, swear at it, scream at it, laugh at it, and kill it. The worst thing I’ve ever said to my dad was playing hockey wasn’t fun anymore. Dude went home and just looked out a window for two years....
I made nearly $300 selling majority of my DVDs last night to Gazelle and Amazon. Had a celebratory run in the park today. I feel great today.
River Of Darkness - starring, in order of importance: Psycho Sid, Kevin Nash, and Kurt Angle
MAKE A FUCK
Crocop fighting Pat Barry tonight is the saddest fight ever. How could they do this to me? I don’t want either one of these guys to lose!
Sidenote: I forgot to wash my hands after I peed and ate a ton of chocolate covered almonds. Will I die tonight?
Watched a video of La Parka knocking someone out. Considering wearing a mask for the rest of my life. I just bought the most weed I’ve ever seen in my life and I’ll be on vacation all month. Peace!